Honesty isn't easy for me.
Not in a "I live a lie" kind of way, but in that if I screw up, I will not easily accept it. Which is probably why I have denied the DISGUSTING weight gain. I'm back at 175 fucking (sorry) pounds, and I honestly hate myself for it. I have been readjusting with things, and I got complacent. So I'm going to do a cleanse/detox thing for a week, just to try to get rid of this shit. I feel like a heifer, and I am so not proud of this. I want to be a runner, a slim, toned girl. I want to have a boy be able to lift me easily and to not see me as the fat girl because, honestly, that is how I feel they see me. I know we all have 'distorted views of ourselves,' but how distorted are the really? So here goes. I am restarting, once again. Time to step up, get everything in my life to be more controlled. Its times when I'm the most organized, the most structured that I can control my food obsession and restrict well. So here goes. Once again. Wish me luck, let me know if you have detox tips. Sorry I suck at inspiration. I'll post some thinspo once I get enough :)
-A
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I wish you the best. I am at 157 and my lowest has been 148 about 2 years ago and I am so sick of it! I made a commitment that by feb 15th that I would be 140 and from there I will go until my stomach is flatter that an iphone screen. I am tired of my bloat, I am tired of that muffin top when I put on my skinny jeans. I am tired of being afraid that the clothes I like won't fit. I am tired of being this fat failure. so..I will win this time. So will you. Keep going. Be optimistic when it's hardest.
ReplyDeleteYou are so inspiring! keep up the fight to lose! If you really work hard and become absolutely obsessive about your diet, the pounds will just fall off. I used to be your exact weight, then I decided one day I was sick of being that fat girl. I stopped eating unless I absolutely had to and to be truthful, I purged every single day until I got to be down to 110 pounds. I felt beautiful and amazing, I could not believe I had actually gone beyond any of my expectations. But of course since I still live with my family, my mom freaked out and forced me to gain 15 pounds.. I am now 125 pounds and hating it, I'm focusing on losing it all soon but I can't seem to get back to what I had going before. I use your blog to motivate me when I get cravings and to lift my mood to help me feel that I'm not so alone in my struggles to lose weight.
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