I am weak.

I am about to explode.
No, seriously, I think I ate enough this weekend to make up for the whole week of fasting. I am disgusting. I am a fatass. I am weak and I am unwilling to even call myself a friend of Ana's. I am so unbelievably ashamed.
Here's the thing—there's always that fat person you see eating and eating and eating and you can't help but be disgusted, and you can't help but thinking 'why are you always eating? You of all people don't need to be eating.'
Well shit. I feel like I'm that person.
My stomach is about to explode. I hate myself for eating all of this. This week is a fasting week. I have to lose like 15 or more pounds by next Friday (the 21st) because I have a pool party to go to. Therefore, I'm allotting myself ONE meal, and 10 apples for the entire week. I have should have absolutely no desire to eat after this week of killing myself with fat and calories and carbs. It is not ok. Again, I am ashamed, I am weak. I'm thinking of trying a saltwater cleansing thing that I've read about tomorrow afternoon… We'll see how that goes.
I need to purify my body from all this shit. It should not be in my body.
GIVE ME STRENGTH ANA. Please.
-A