Ok…so today's question is about a thinspo picture and what we envy about the person. I like a lot of them, but this one is a real person's picture and I feel like that's really inspiring because it doesn't have touch-ups like magazines. But one thing I really love is having sharp collarbones. That's one thing I really envy. And there are the obvious other things, flat stomach, skinny thighs, gap, thin arms, thin face. And her dress is really cute, I would love to be able to wear something like that!
On another note, I'm disgusting. I just went to lunch at a friend's house (weekly lunch group) and I just ate everything. Not even a little, like a normal person. I ate way more than I would have ever wanted. And I got home and went straight to the scale, 161. That's what it was on Sunday night. It should have been 158 at least by today, I would have much rather it have been 156 BUT I have been weak all week and it's making me miserable. I can't keep up this overeating problem or I will literally gain twenty pounds. I know this because it has happened. So I'm committing to restricting—NO EXCEPTIONS, NO MISTAKES. Mistakes are for people who don't know what to do, the people who can't even control their own lives. I know what I need to be doing. I just lack the self control. I'm weak. I'm fat. I'm disgusting.
Sorry that my posts all seem to be a little pessimistic, but that's just how I feel and usually when I'm the most angry with myself is when I sit down to write. But I love you all and I'm impressed by how much more y'all are in control. I want to be a motivator, so I'm really going to start doing it for any readers, too, and not just myself.
Stay strong, carry on.
—A
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