Ok sooooo the five day fast was broken, surprise surprise. How weak is that. It's day ONE. I'm embarrassed by my complete lack of control. However, I went to dinner with a bunch of friends and when I said I had already eaten because I didn't like the type of food the restaurant had, my friend jokingly said "Ohh yea, she's like hiding her eating disorder and that's why she's not eating." SO that was awkward, but it shows me that it obviously doesn't look like I am skinny or she wouldn't have risked the comment. That should be motivation. I didn't eat anything at that dinner, it wasn't even a challenge. But in the category of me being completely honest, this is what I ate: four french macaroons with plenty of frosting, a 1/2 cup of egg beaters scrambled with a tablespoon of ketchup, and I continued trying to make a perfect frosting so I ate a shit ton of that.
UGH. Its like, even when I eat something at all it has to be something of NO nutritional value. So here's a little goal…If I do feel like eating something in a time of NO self control, here are some foods that would be not deadly:
- Chicken broth OR…light soup (the 50 or 60 calorie per serving ones only)
- Water based fruits (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, apples)
- Carrots, CELERY, tomato (although technically this is a fruit) or other similar vegetables that are mostly water
- COFFEE. TEA. WATER. DIET COKE…ok so those aren't foods. But that's ok! They trick you into being fuller.
BASICALLY I have 100 calories to spend on binges. Ana is telling me DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE ON STUFFING YOUR FACE WITH COOKIES AND ICING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I just have to listen….
Til tomorrow…sleep tight :] be stronger than I am.
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